Good Tools, Good Marriage

Perhaps you’re wondering how do I make my marriage work better? Are there a few keys that will unlock the mystery for a happy marriage? The answer is “YES!”

Over the years I have officiated at hundreds of marriages. I have never yet seen a couple look at each other after the vows are spoken and say,

“Good, now I can make hell on earth for you!”

Yet many wind up doing that very thing. Not because they are bad people, but because they don’t have the right tools in their marital toolkit. For example, if you were asked to repair a toaster and the only tools you had were a crowbar and a pipe wrench you’d be in trouble. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how committed you were to making that toaster work, your lack of right tools would result in frustration, anger and possibly ruining an otherwise perfectly good appliance. What you needed was new tools, not a new toaster.

Marriage is like that.

Get the right tools and your marriage can become a work of art.

Work with the wrong ones and you can ruin it. Shortly before I left the pastorate at Christian Fellowship Church to practice marriage and premarriage counseling I took a look at the status of the many marriages at which I had officiated.

Over a 23 year period the success rate was in the high 90 percentile.

I believe a major reason for so many successes is the continual use of the tools each couple was given in pre marriage preparation.

In a post wedding follow up visit we always asked which if any of the relational tools we had given them had been helpful. The vast majority of the couples named understanding gender differences as the most helpful tool of them all.

In the weeks ahead I will share with you many of the tools needed in a successful marriage tool kit. I am convinced that if you will put them into practice you will be in a position to enrich an already good marriage, strengthen a struggling relationship and rebuild a broken one. So be sure to stay with us.

Next topic: Understanding the Male Species. Do they have to be that way?

John and Anne Neufeld have a counseling practice specializing in marriage and premarriage issues. They also conduct marriage seminars for churches and groups across the country. Do you have topics you’d like to see addressed in this column? Email them and they will try to address them in future articles. They can be reached at focused44@shaw.ca or 204-326-4263