God Loves Sex!

“God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Gen 1:31; 2:25

Not happy with your sex life? You're not alone. As a counselor/pastor for many years I'm seeing a growing trend of dissatisfied women when it comes to sex in marriage. More and more women it seems are not having their sexual needs by their husbands. As a result they feel unattractive, unloved, discouraged and confused. After all, the man is supposed to be the one with the stronger sexual appetite and ready to go in an instant. So the reasoning goes, if he's not interested in me sexually something must be wrong with me.

What do you do when your husband it not interested in having sex with you?

Complaining and nagging is not one of those things. The solution is generally found in two areas.

The first thing is to pray for his heart. God made him a sexual being and being sexual with you is a normal, natural and beautiful desire God has created in his heart. It was a part of his life when you were dating. It's one of the key things that drew him to you. It is designed to be the glue that binds a couple together. When that is not happening something is wrong in his heart. That's assuming there are not medical conditions that make intercourse difficult or impossible.

Jesus taught us that all behavior, good and bad comes from within the heart. Matt 15:17-20; Luke 6:43-45. A good sexual relationship for the Christian couple begins in the heart. Pray for healing in his heart and for a desire for him to make love to you. Also ask for healing for your own heart since it has been wounded through repeated rejections.

One of the things that surprised us in counseling these women was how many of them believed they shouldn't pray about sex. Sex for the Christian, they believed was not all that important.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The Bible is filled with teachings about sex. Clearly God loves sex and designed us to enjoy it often. Paul tells couples to have sex regularly. “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Cor 7:5

“I wish my husband would read that and live up to it.”

Since he doesn't, pray for his heart. You'll be surprised how God loves to answer that kind of prayer.

Second, educate yourself about your own sexuality and femininity. We live in a super sexually titillated society yet at the same time a very ignorant one when it comes to knowing how our bodies were designed to function for maximum pleasure in the bedroom.

In our premarital preparation counseling we require the couples to separately read Dr. Ed Wheat's book, Intended for Pleasure; Sexual problems and sexual techniques in marriage. We will always ask the couple if they have learned anything from the book. Almost without exception they respond with an enthusiastic, “yes, I learned a lot about our bodies which I did not know before” or words to that effect.

The point is though we are inundated with sexually explicit material all over the place, most of it is offensive and just plain wrong when it comes to enjoying the gift God has given to us. Consequently, there are not a lot of resources I'll recommend in this specific area.

There is one though that I do recommend. It's entitled “Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife,experience the sexual fulfillment that God intends for you.” The book is written by a woman for Christian women. There is also a companion volume for men titled “Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband, what every Christian husband should know about sex.”

So if you are feeling unfulfilled in your sex life, be assured you are not alone. But it does not have to stay that way.

Remember these 2 things. First, You cannot change you husband but you can get the One who made him to work in his heart on your behalf as you pray for him. Ask God to place a desire for sex in his heart. Pray also for the healing in your own heart as you wait for things to change.

Second, educate yourself about the wonder of your own sexuality and femininity. It will boost your self confidence which may be the spark that your relationship needs.